Trang chủ Forums Chữa bài IELTS Writing Chữa bài IELTS Task 2 Spending money on vital areas

Spending money on vital areas

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  • #281752
    Profile photo of Dinh Cong Anh
    Dinh Cong Anh
    Participant

    [15:05:23, 4/1/2020] Cám ơn các bạn!

  • #281848

    IELTS Veteran

    [1/8/2020, 9:01:03 AM] Cám ơn các bạn!

  • #281849

    IELTS Veteran

    [1/8/2020, 9:01:03 AM] Cám ơn các bạn!

  • #281914

    IELTS Veteran

    Dear teacher,

    I really appreciate your comments which can help me to improve myself more.

    Here I mean in the sentence below:
    there are countless ailments such as HIV, cancers and so on which are causing headaches to many governments authorities of nations and resulting in impoverished circumstances of numerous patients: có nhiều bệnh nan y như HIV hay ung thư đang gây đau đầu cho các vị quan chức chính phủ và cũng gây ra tình trạng đói nghèo cho các bệnh nhân.

    • #281916

      IELTS Veteran

      First, “ailment” means a minor illness whereas “disease” means a more serious situation. Given that HIV or cancers are often fatal, I recommend using “diseases” in place of “ailments”.
      –> Rewrite as follows: Some countries are plagued with diseases such as HIV or cancer, which not only cause the governments there much headache but also result in/lead to the impoverished circumstances of patients.
      Or
      –> Some countries are plagued with diseases such as HIV or cancer, which not only cause the governments there much headache but also impoverish patients, who lose the ability to work but still have to expend large sums of money on treatment.

      I think what you need to improve in your writing is your communication of ideas. Try to write more streamlined sentences. I don’t mean that you cannot use complex sentence structures, but what I suggest is to try to express ideas in a more lucid manner, and try not to cram too much information/ideas in one sentence. Once you can do that, your idea can be much improved.

    • #281917

      IELTS Veteran

      First, “ailment” means a minor illness whereas “disease” means a more serious situation. Given that HIV or cancers are often fatal, I recommend using “diseases” in place of “ailments”.
      –> Rewrite as follows: Some countries are plagued with diseases such as HIV or cancer, which not only cause the governments there much headache but also result in/lead to the impoverished circumstances of patients.
      Or
      –> Some countries are plagued with diseases such as HIV or cancer, which not only cause the governments there much headache but also impoverish patients, who lose the ability to work but still have to expend large sums of money on treatment.

      I think what you need to improve in your writing is your communication of ideas. Try to write more streamlined sentences. I don’t mean that you cannot use complex sentence structures, but what I suggest is to try to express ideas in a more lucid manner, and try not to cram too much information/ideas in one sentence. Once you can do that, your idea can be much improved.

  • #281918

    IELTS Veteran

    Thank you teacher,
    I really appreciate your support

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