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Trang chủ Forums Chữa bài IELTS Writing Chữa bài IELTS Task 2 Young offenders should be treated like adults

Young offenders should be treated like adults

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  • #274010
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    Le Trung Kien
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    [8/28/2019, 9:01:19 PM] Cám ơn các bạn!

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    Topic: Serious violent crimes who are under 18 are becoming more common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like adults while others would say that they should be rehabilitated.

    Teenagers under 18 turning to dangerous criminals tend to be more in the popularity. While some argue that they need to be punished like grown-ups. I would believe that they are not mature enough to receive such this punishment and it should be better to give them a chance of rehabilitation.

    On the one hand, the solution of applying the treatment of older criminals to adolescents could be considered for a short term to deal with crimes. Imposing same letters of law are thought by some to able to reduce the increasing number of young law-breakers. By the belief of carrying out strict rules such as putting seriously young criminals behind bars, the advocates of this idea believe that it could protect communities from harmful damages causing by illegal activities and remain a safety living condition for citizens. However, I would argue that it could not completely solve the condition of juveniles acting as criminals in the long run and it could even lead to a counter-productive scenario because youngsters tend to keep continuing behavior problems in prisons.

    On the other hand, providing an opportunity of reintegrating into society is likely a helpful method for a long term. Children without having enough maturity are effortless to turn to crime and they cannot recognize their own mistakes. Therefore, if society treats them with empathy and tenderness attitudes and offers them a chance to rehabilitate, the root cause can be stopped and young criminals would alter themselves and eventually dispose of wrong mindset. It is exemplified by the fact that national law in many countries indicates punishment relaxations to open a new better life to young offenders. I believe that it will be a preferable solution to guide adolescents to get rid of crimes.

    In conclusion, whereas punishing teenagers being guilty with the same penalties like adults could be accepted as temporary problem approach, the key solution for this matter should be a chance of reestablishment.

  • #274074

    IELTS Veteran

    Overall, your essay is good. Although you are using many uncommon words, there are still a lot of repeating common ones. Therefore, the next step is to practice using words in suitable circumstances with the help of grammar structures to avoid making your sentence too long and repetitive. You should also focus on making your ideas clear rather than write them as long as possible. And be careful when using synonyms.

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