Chữa bài IELTS Task 2
updated 8 years, 2 months ago
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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.
It is true that many people after serving the prison sentence can return the community and contribute to society as other citizens. And I absolutely agree that there is no one more suitable than them to have a conversation with adolescents about the hazards of being a law-breakers.
It is obvious that prisoners are the persons who have the most experiences about the life in jail. That is the reason why they can tell young people in the realest way why they became criminals, how they have faced their life in prison, their feeling, their regret and even their desires to turn back with their family. Furthermore, teenagers can share their problems, difficulties in life which can lead them into trouble. After that the offenders can listen and understand well as friends and give them the advices to avoid making mistakes which can destroy their life. That is definitely a significant talk! In fact, there are many programs like that organized around the world and gave possible results to the young participants.
On the other hand, some people think that it is more effective that others talk about this problem. First option is policer officers who directly related to the crime. They will tell about the dry figures of delinquency and serious way, how they caught the criminals. But in my opinion, the juveniles trend towards wanting to become a police more than realizing the seriousness of committing an offence. Second option is using documentaries to provide the vital information about illegal activities. This may be interesting but there will not have any interacts so that the teenagers cannot find the answers for their wonders.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that reformed offenders are the most excellent choice to meet the adolescents to help them know how terrible the committing a crime is.Please find the revised version attached and feel free to comment if you have any query.
Em có vài thắc mắc:
– “Grammar: this is a complete clause, so “how” is redundant” em không hiểu ý này lắm ạ. Em không đươc dùng how they have faced their life ạ?
– không được dùng turn back with their family ạ? vì em dùng return to ở trên rồi
– dry figures: ý em là những số liệu khô khan có thể thay thế bằng gì ạ
Cảm ơn vì đã chữa bài giúp em!Hi,
Please find my comment as below:
1. Grammar: I was confused by the meaning of that phrase “how they faced their life” as “face” is normally understood as “accept sth/a fact”. But from your explanation, I can see that you mean “deal with life in prison”. Then the phrase is correct. Sorry for this confusion.
2. Turn back: you can look at the definition here http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/turn+back
So “turn back” does not have the same meaning as “return to”. You can use “the desire to reunite with their family”.3. dry figures: this is another point that I misunderstood what you meant. As you use “tell about the dry figures of delinquency”, I believe you mean telling the stories about the crimes. So I cannot find any meaning of “dry figures” to suit that idea. Anyway, to avoid this confusion, you can use another noun which has its primary meaning as “số liệu” (“figure” can have many different meanings.) and use more suitable verb. For example, you can use “report dry/dull data/statistics”
I hope I have clarified your concerns. Please feel free to let me know if there is any other query.
Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate your thoughts and comments.Thank you for your detailed explanation so much!
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