Chữa bài IELTS Task 2

Please help me correct my essay. Thanks heaps.

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29/9/2018: Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

It is clear that the recent debate on whether a cross-border educational program is beneficial to students remains controversial. Although such a project may be disadvantageous in some certain extents, I would contend that the demerits are overshadowed by the merits.
There are two primary obstacles when a school pupil attend to an international student exchange. First, engaging in these exchange projects may put a financial burden on their families. In fact, when the students study abroad, there are a host of fees their family have to cover such as tuition and daily living expenses which are prohibitively expensive, especially in developed countries. Second, some students may find difficult to face with culture shock. In other words, being exposed to unfamiliar customs and different beliefs could lead to misunderstanding, tension and conflicts. The implicaiton of this is that the students are not able to concentrate entirely on their studies when they are struggling to adapt to a new society.
However, from my perspective, the student may reap many great benefits which are far more significant than the drawbacks. One prominent advantage is that paritipating in an international exchange program is a golden chance for them to broaden their horizons and improve their languages. In lieu of watching other foreign festivals or sceneries on TV, the students are able to immerse themselves in the local community and experience cultural diversity. Additionally, engaging in daily conversations with overseas classmates and teachers help them not only acquire social skills but also enhance their language skills. Another significant merit is that such experiences are of great importance to their future career. To be more specific, learning a period of years on foreign university makes their profile more attractive to the eye of employers and have certain advantages against other candidates. As a result, they are likely to land for a well-paid job, which raises their living standards.
In conclusion, although cross-cultural student programs have some disadvantages such as the culture shock and burden finance, it seems to me that the advantages are outweigh those drawbacks due to the aforementioned reasons.
( 340 words).