Chữa bài IELTS Task 2

Làm ơn chữa cho em bằng tiếng việt ạ

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Đề Some people think that people should learn to compete, but others think that they should be taught to co-operate with each others. What is your opinion ?
Bài làm
The way that people should learn has been a noticeable topic nowadays. While some support for the idea of individual work, the others believe that they ought to learn how to work in a team. From my perspective, this two view are justifiable to a certain extent.
On the one hand, it is obvious that there are some benefits of learning to collaborate. First of all, they can rapidly improve themselves. This is due to the fact that they can receive the advice and feedback of others teamates if they work together. Therefore, they will certainly achieve better academic performance. Secondly, they could gain the groupwork skills which are pretty vital for job-seeking process in the future. These skills include communication, the way to persuade each others and the way how the leader unite others to achieve a common goal. It is obvious to highly appreciate these advantages.
On the other hand, people can not ignore the pros of learning independently. First, this learning method helps students to have more flexibility in their study. The reason for this is that there is no conflict in ideas with the others, leading to the bigger motivation during the period of learning. As the result, this could also trigger to the better academic performance. Last but not least, when working alone, learners will earn recognition for their own ability and improve themselves. As the result, this could also trigger to the better academic performance.
In conclusion, while I accept that learning to take part in groupwork is extremely crucial, I do believe that people ought to learn how to work individually as well.