Chữa bài IELTS Task 2

Topic: Teachers used to convey information, but now with wide resources of information, some people think that there is no role for teachers to play in modern education, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Essay:
In modern education, students own the opportunity to easily access to variations of materials for studying. In this regard, some people suppose that teachers are no longer needed whilst others including me still believe in the role of teachers in classes. This essay is going to discuss both points of views before giving reasoned conclusion.
To begin with, teachers’ role in modern schools has been reckoned surplus since information technology devices appeared. Unlike education in the past, learners can now self-study easily with plenty of supportive aids such as computers, tablets, smart phones which can provide immense source of information as well as learning applications. Lessons are freely downloaded, tasks are automatically evaluated and search tools can quickly offer satisfied answers to any questions no matter how thorny they are. With the helps from these sources, it seems that students can successfully perceive the lessons without teachers’ supports.
Nevertheless, teachers have varied roles much more than just providing information. At schools, students can acquire many valuable things other than academic lessons. How to treat people with respect, how to be ethical and become a good citizen, how to deal with sorrows, how to set targets for life are just some particular examples about what can be taught by a teacher. Not just a tutor, a teacher is also a friend, a guide or a consultant. In addition, with their experience and profession, teachers know the best methods to assess and give proper assignments to improve students whose intellectual capacities are different from each other.
It is undeniable that wide range of information provided by technology devices is offering a huge support for students in modern schools. However, the present of teachers is always irreplaceable. Instead, teachers nowadays have to adapt to and make use of these devices to provide the best studying conditions for their students.

Note: Please give me advice for this usage “whilst others including me still believe”. Is it acceptable? Thanks.