[Nhung]

The graph below shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany, France, Italy and Austria between 1995 and 2005.

Answer:
The line graph compares four countries, namely Germany, France, Italy and Austria in terms of their expenditure on books from 1995 to 2005.
Overall, the amount of money spent on books increased in each nation during the period shown. Additionally, Germany allocated highest budget to this category.
In 1995, the spending on books was biggest in Germany, at about $80 million. This figure went up slightly by $5 billion in 2003 and reached its peak at $95 million in 2005. At the same time, France experienced a gradual growth in their book expenditure from $55 million to $75 million at the end of the period, which was slightly higher than the rate for Austria in this year.
Meanwhile, people in Italy and Austria paid out only $50 million and $30 million on books in 1995 respectively. Although the amount of money spent on books in both countries increased, the figure for Austria overtook that for Italy in 2003, at approximately $55 million. Finally, just over $70 million in Austria and around $62 million in Italy were spent on books in 2005.

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[diemlinh]

[3/1/2017, 9:15:17 AM] Cám ơn các bạn!

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[diemlinh]

Well-done.
Feel free to leave your questions. Thanks!

[Nhung]

Thanks for spending your time correcting my essay. :))
Can you please explain in more details for below your comments :

– You need to focus on how to address the task and manage cohesion and coherence effectively. => give me an example and show me how to improve it.
– Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score. => show me an example of a well-illustrated sentence.

Thanks in advance for your help.

[diemlinh]

Hi bạn,
Mình sẽ lấy bài bạn làm ví dụ:
1.Task yêu cầu so sánh chi phí đã sử dụng để mua sách, bạn nên đi thẳng vào vấn đề. Mở bài của bạn rất dễ gây hiểu lầm về task.
Your sentence: The line graph compares four countries, namely Germany, France, Italy and Austria in terms of their expenditure on books from 1995 to 2005.
=>The line graph compares the expenditure on books in four countries, namely Germany, France, Italy and Austria from 1995 to 2005.
2. Your sentences need to be more well-illustrated for a higher band-score: Ý là bạn nên sử dụng nhiều từ vựng của task 1 để nâng điểm bài viết mặc dù vốn từ vựng của bạn đã khá tốt.
Ex: People in Austria paid out only $30 million on books in 1995. Although the amount of money spent on books increased, just over $70 million in Austria were spent on books in 2005.
=> The expenditures in Austria for books was lowest among the given countries in 1995 but their spending increased very sharply and it reached to over 70 million USD in 2005 which was more than double than their expenses in 1995.

[diemlinh]

Feel free to leave your questions. Thanks!