[thien_nguyen]

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number if sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Encouraging people in the community to take part in doing/playing sports is an important priority / a pivotal aim of the local authority in order to improve the healthy lifestyle of each and every resident. While some people of them think that the most efficient way is to provide a majority of sports equipment in the public areas, I personally agree with people those who say that just of the opinion that governments should raise public awareness and organize sports events make a little difference and claim for other actions.

Investment On the one hand, investing in sports gears for residents in the public areas is a good idea. Once they are placed, they will appeal people’s attention quickly. By one person getting to know will lead others to come/follow. Moreover, people are basically very curious creatures with new technology and interesting activities, so that introducing a numbers of sports kits will stimuli stimulate people’s sense of sports and grow their interest of in being fit and healthy. Numerous and well-equipped sports facilities can easily and quickly capture public attention, which will draw their interests in trying and taking up exercises. Sports facilities that are easily found and controlled can provide great convenience to people who have paucity of time to take physical exercises more flexibly. As a result, they will develop a healthy habit of keeping fit and staying active. Furthermore, this is also the chance for people who do not have a good condition/ sufficient conditions or just simply like to use /prefer using free items or services to know about sports gears and practice.

However, I agree with people who say this solution is temporary and there are other actions expected to be considered. Firstly, raising the number of facilities will lead to huge waste of money, as the sports equipment is usually very expensive. And Moreover, even that is there is a vast number of amenities, but compared to the number of locals, obviously, those are not enough. Secondly, soon people will get bored and find out this exercises are for relaxing only because the gears are provided in poorly organized and unprofessional way which lacks of guiding. To do exercise with sports kits there are lists of demands for technique that the person participating need to follow so that there must be an expert to show them how. Thirdly, it is very difficult to take care of these facilities in the public areas, because they can be easily damaged by the weather or by the users. As a result, it this phenomenon/ these concerns will be better addressed by to expanding/enhancing citizens’ knowledge about keeping fit and playing sports to improve their health. Instead of investing on in sports gears we can raise people sense of competition by creating/organizing and opening/hosting public sporting activities/events such as running, the best local tennis player, or football, and give awarding the winners with a pride.

In conclusion, buying sports facilities is one of the way to improve people’s health but it will be happier for people to playing sports in the correct way./ Improving public health requires a combined effort and no single action can resolve the problem effectively. In addition, although solving the problem is not insurmountable, a long term commitment by both individuals and governments in raising awareness and education is required.

GRADE

TASK RESPONSE
6.0
– Addresses all parts of the task
– Presents a clear position throughout the response
– Presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus. Especially in your body paragraph, I am not very convinced by your statement except for some ideas that I can agree with. Some are confusing and too general
– You need to pay attention to the conclusion and elaborate more on it.
– If you want to increase your band score, you should presents a fully developed position in answer to the question. This means when you choose to “agree” or “disagree”, you should choose your stand and fully support that side. If you choose “against”, your body paragraphs should focus more on reasons to disagree and ideas of “agree” should be optional.
COHERENCE AND COHESION
7.0
– Logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
– Uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
– Presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
LEXICAL RESOURCES
5.0
– Uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task
– May make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty and confusion for the reader
– You should use more academic words, avoid repetition and misspelling.
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
5.0
– Uses only a limited range of structures
– Attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
– May make some frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty
OVERALL
6.0
Your ideas are okay though you need to be clearer and more specific than stating general viewpoints. Your word choice as well as grammar can sometimes be simple and inaccurate, making the writing not impressive. You should focus on fixing those basic errors. Refer to my markings for improvement

Sample answer:
It is often argued that expanding the number of leisure amenities is the most appropriate way of boosting the health of the general public, while others feel that this is not a viable solution and believe other steps are needed. This essay will argue that sports complexes are not the best answer and education is a more suitable option.

A greater availability of recreation facilities might help some become healthier but it is unlikely to have an effect on the unhealthy masses. Most health problems do not stem from a lack of opportunities, but from a lack of motivation. For example, Cambridge University found in a recent study that 62% of men and women who paid for an annual gym membership failed to go entirely after just one month.

A public awareness campaign about the dangers a sedentary lifestyle can have on one’s fitness, would affect not only people’s well-being but also their understanding of the issue. This is because most men and women are unaware of the harm they are doing to themselves by not exercising regularly and warning them about the risk factors would have a motivating effect. For instance, the `Go walking’ campaign in Northern Ireland in 2006 led to obesity related illnesses, like heart disease and stroke, falling by almost a quarter.

In conclusion, although an increased availability of sports centres can influence the wellness of the public to a certain extent, it is only through education that the real benefits can be realised.

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[diemlinh]

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