[thien_nguyen]

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graphs given illustrate the expenditures in five different categories and how countries consumes resources as well as showing allocation of population over the world.
Overall, people use the least amount of money on Clothing while the largest expense is accounted for Other. In addition, Asia is the region having the most population and a similar percentage of that is witnessed in both the Europe and Americas which also stand for the highest proportion of comsumption resources.
With regarding to world spending, food and transport group are the second and the third enjoying , at 24% for the former and 18% for the latter. The spending on accomodation is just a half of that on food, at 12% which doubles the expense on clothing, at 6%. Whereas, people spend most of their money on miscellaneous items represented by 40% in Other category.
The report sees nearly three fifths of world population in Asia while just one tenth of that in Africa which constitute 57% and 10% respectively. The Europe and the USA are similar in terms of 14% of population distribution. Although total proportion of citizens in European countries and the US is only 28% but comsumption resources derived the most from such countries, at 60%.

Grade

Task Achievement
8.0
– covers all requirements of the task sufficiently
– presents, highlights and illustrates key features/bullet points clearly and
appropriately.
=> You addressed most of essential parts in Part 1. However, be careful with the figures that you wrote. Make sure they were right and suitable with the prior description.
Coherence and Cohesion
8.0
– logically organises information and
ideas; there is clear progression
throughout
– uses a range of cohesive devices
appropriately although there may be
some under-/over-use.
=> The sentences are well-connected and arranged logically. However, there is still under-use of linking words sometimes.
Lexical Resource
6.0
– uses a sufficient range of
vocabulary to allow some flexibility
and precision
– uses less common lexical items
with some awareness of style and
collocation
– may produce occasional errors in
word choice, spelling and/or word
formation.
=> your vocabulary in task 1 is related to topic. However, you still made some mistakes in word choice and be careful with spelling mistakes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
7.0
– uses a variety of complex structures
– produces frequent error-free sentences
– has good control of grammar and
punctuation but may make a few error.
=> You should use a wider range of grammar structures. You should use more complex sentence for higher score.
Overall
7.0
Your essay is good. Enough parts of writing task 1 and enough figures are described. However, please pay attention to word choice and spelling mistakes.

Sample essay:
The given pie charts give information about the resource consumptions, spending and population distribution in the world.
The first pie chart shows the world spending in food, clothing, housing, transports and others. As is given in this pie chart, almost quarter of the total world spending is made for foods while clothing expenses is 6%. The expenses in housing and transports are consecutively 12 and 18 percent while all other expenses in 40%.
The second pie chart represents data on population distribution in Europe, America, Africa, Asia and other regions. As is shown in this pie chart, more than half (57%) of the world population reside in Asian region while in Europe and America have 14% world population each. Africa has 10% world population and the remaining 5% people live in other parts of the world.
Final graph presents data on the resource consumption in the world diving in two main categories: USA & Europe and all other parts of the world. Interestingly USA and Europe consume 40% world resources though they support only 28% of the world population. For the remaining 72% world population total resource consumption is the rest 60%.

Attachments:

You must be logged in to view attached files.

[ivynguyen]

Bài này của bạn đã được sửa rồi mà. Bạn có thắc mắc gì về những lỗi được sửa không, nếu có bạn hãy comment ở đây để mình giải đáp cho bạn. Còn về cách sửa các lỗi sai và thang điểm thì không có gì thay đổi. Chúc bạn thi tốt!