Band score: 6.0
1. Fluency and Coherence
– You do not need to start your talk with “I would like to start by saying …” as the next sentence is good enough introduction.
– You should have a proper organization of the details to describe a person. For example start with appearance them knowledge then personality. Do not switch from one thing to another many times. You should not repeat what you have already said as well. For example, in your talk you keep saying your manager is beautiful, kind even though you already mentioned these features of her.
So to describe your manager: “She has a lot of things that I need to look up to. In terms of her appearance, she is a beautiful girl with long black hair …. Besides, she also has good knowledge about her job, which makes her a great co-worker. Specifically, she works effectively, which can be proven from the top result of her class. Last but not least, her personality shines with kindness. Two years ago ….”
– You should avoid pauses in inappropriate parts of the talk. Practice more so that you can know when to pause and when you should not. Avoid hesitation as well by planning the ideas and organizing your essay in a more reasonable way.
2. Grammatical range and accuracy
You need to use more complex sentences instead of just focusing on simple and short sentences. Try to make use of various structure such as relative clause, although, because, etc.
– Normally, people will have a celebrity for admiration. I have an idol at my working place, it is my manager. … for admiration. However, in my case, my idol is my manager under whose supervision I am working. (You should make a complex sentence instead of using two simple ones.)
3. Lexical resource
There are some errors in word choice that you can notice. (moreover, you can also look at the suggested organization in 1. Fluency and Coherence for some more improved words.)
– I would like to start by saying a person who I really admire. …start by introducing a person…: say is not suitable in this case as say simply mean utter a word or a sound.
– Working place work place: usually workplace is used.
– Appearance is uncountable. So you cannot use appearances
– Moving on to her characteristics: You are describing a person, not having a presentation, so you should avoid moving on to, you can use other way to link the ideas.
– Return requirement is quite confusing, it means like the requirements if you want to return a product or something, not what you mean in the talk. She was willing to help me unconditionally.
4. Pronunciation
– Smile /smʌɪl/: this word ends with /l/ not /t/, so make sure you have the correct final sound.
– You pay quite close attention to every word you say. As a result, good pronunciation is displayed throughout the essay.
– You also talk with feeling, so it is easy to believe what you say.
Next time please include the suggested questions for the topic, so that your talk is scored suitably to them.
